| Why do we need to set priorities? The Bible says | | | | are trained in this way it is seldom necessary to need |
| "Without a vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18). | | | | to discipline. Children are secure in the knowledge of |
| To apply this verse to our daily lives means to say | | | | their boundaries, and this is very reassuring to a child. |
| that without a plan we just meander through the days, | | | | 2 Physical |
| weeks, and years, dabbling at this and that, but never | | | | Of course, they need their physical needs met each |
| accomplishing a lot. When we have a plan, a vision, or | | | | day also - and so we need to do the practical things |
| a list of priorities, we are more likely to get stuck in and | | | | like preparing food, washing clothes, etc. They need to |
| do it. I want to live my life with purpose, to set and | | | | be trained to do all these practical things for |
| achieve some goals, not to merely survive day by day. | | | | themselves also. Our children should be well equipped |
| To do this I need to think through my priorities - what | | | | for life when they leave our homes. Other physical |
| are the really important things, and what is the order of | | | | needs include fresh air and exercise, and not to be |
| their importance? | | | | cooped up inside all day. They need time to play, both |
| So many opportunities are offering themselves to me | | | | alone, and together with their siblings. |
| as a homeschooler - swimming lessons, art and craft | | | | 3 Educational |
| sessions, a mothers' group, outings of every | | | | They also need an education, and so we provide |
| description. Then there are family and friends to visit, | | | | learning opportunities. |
| church and other groups to be involved in. How do I | | | | As each child has a different destiny their educational |
| have the time to do everything? Quite simply, I don't. I | | | | needs will differ from each other. We need to seek to |
| don't have time for everything, therefore I must have a | | | | know our children individually, and ask God for wisdom |
| system for deciding which things to be involved in and | | | | to decide what sort of knowledge they are going to |
| which things to say "No" to. God knows how many | | | | need. |
| hours are in a day!! He does not expect us to be | | | | To begin with, all children need to know how to read, |
| exhausted at the end of every day. Trying to do too | | | | write, and do maths. These are a foundation for all |
| much will cause us to become burned out and sick. | | | | other learning. Once a person can do these things they |
| Because He knows how many hours are in a day, He | | | | can educate themselves on all manner of different |
| will not ask us to do more than we can cope with. | | | | avenues. And so, until these skills are mastered, they |
| Sure, we must learn to do things in His strength. When | | | | will be the priority in my teaching. We may learn about |
| we are weak, He is strong - I am not saying every | | | | all sorts of other things at the same time, but I will |
| day will be easy or that we should be able to breeze | | | | concentrate on these skills and purpose to get my |
| through each day with no effort. Homeschooling, | | | | children fluent in these first of all. |
| training our children, and managing our homes is hard | | | | The character qualities we wish to instill into our |
| work. | | | | children must also be high on the priorities list. There is |
| What I am saying is that we can make ourselves too | | | | no point raising an academically brilliant child if they do |
| busy, if we try to do more than God is asking us to. I | | | | not care for others, have good manners, etc. |
| have found staying home most of the time, with a few | | | | As mentioned above, we also need to purposely train |
| selected activities, is far more productive in the long | | | | them in practical skills. A lot of these skills will be |
| run. One of my priorities is to have a peace-filled home. | | | | learned as part of daily life, but some things will take an |
| That does not happen if I am constantly rushing the | | | | effort on your behalf to train your children to do. It is |
| children out the door to go somewhere. So setting this | | | | usually quicker and easier, for example, to bake by |
| priority in my mind helps me to make decisions about | | | | yourself, but in order for your children to learn this life |
| outings. | | | | skill you must take the time to show them how, and let |
| So what are some of these priorities? | | | | them practice by doing it themselves. |
| Time with God | | | | My needs |
| This has to be our first priority. I know when I am trying | | | | Somewhere in your priority list needs to be set aside |
| to do things in my own strength that I cannot be the | | | | time for you! You need to set limits for what you are |
| loving, kind, patient mother that I wish to be! I once | | | | able to accomplish. Be prepared to say "No" to some |
| knew a lady with two small children who said to me | | | | requests. You are not superwoman - recognize your |
| "The Bible says God gently leads those with young, so | | | | limitations and set your boundaries to prevent |
| I think He carries us through these years when we | | | | exhaustion. Try to get some times of refreshment for |
| don't have time to spend with Him". She didn't make | | | | yourself every so often. Do you like to do a hobby? |
| time for her relationship with the Lord - but this didn't | | | | Visit with a friend? Have a date with your husband? |
| make her less busy! She found it difficult to cope with | | | | Sit quietly by yourself in a cafe? Whatever it is that will |
| the stress of being a mother - if only she had taken | | | | bring a lift to your life when you're feeling there USN't |
| time to seek God's strength and enabling, how much | | | | much left to give - you need to take the time to do it. |
| better her life (and that of her family) could have been. | | | | Just as a car needs fuel to keep it going, you cannot |
| Every morning I commit my day to the Lord, asking | | | | continue to give emotionally from an "empty tank". |
| Him to fill me with His love and His strength. I ask Him | | | | Take some time to "re-fuel". |
| what He would have me do today. Sometimes a | | | | I am not talking about being selfish, and robbing your |
| thought will come into my mind from Him - something I | | | | family of your time because "it is my right to some |
| hadn't planned to do, and would not have thought of | | | | time out". I do not mean to put your children in daycare |
| myself, but I know He wants me to do it when this | | | | while you play tennis twice a week. We are called to |
| happens. Imagine an army going out to battle without | | | | be a "living sacrifice", and the work we do is |
| first being given their orders - or an employee | | | | demanding and tiring. Work hard, but also remember |
| beginning work without first finding out what his boss | | | | that the Lord gives his loved ones rest. |
| would like him to do. Just so, we need to go to the | | | | Home management |
| Lord and find out His plans for our day. We also need | | | | To be able to work in our homes efficiently, our homes |
| to be refreshed and filled so that we have something | | | | need to be organized. We need to spend time daily on |
| to give. We cannot give out of an empty tank! We | | | | maintaining the orderliness of our homes. Our children |
| need to soak in the Lord's presence each morning, to | | | | must be trained to help us in this task. Not only is it too |
| be assured of who we are in Him, so that we can | | | | much work for one Mother to do, it does our children a |
| reflect his love to our family and those we meet. | | | | disservice if they are allowed to make the mess which |
| There are so many things I want to be - wise, patient, | | | | we clean up. Housework does not rank terribly high on |
| loving, gentle, kind, generous, - and all I really need is to | | | | my ideal priority list, and yet it can take up so much |
| be like Jesus. He is all I need to be. I am crucified with | | | | time! I would so much rather spend all day teaching my |
| Christ, it is Him who lives in me. Each day I need to | | | | children, or taking a walk, or, in fact almost anything |
| remind myself of this, and choose to live the day with | | | | else - and yet it is necessary to my sanity to keep my |
| this in mind. | | | | house at least reasonably tidy. We now spend about |
| Mary and Martha are a great example to me - I'm | | | | an hour after breakfast doing "chores" (if children tend |
| sure all busy mothers can identify with Martha, who | | | | to dawdle, I make them do the chores before |
| was rushing around being busy. However, she was | | | | breakfast - this hurries them up!) The children have |
| also worrying and fussing - which is what Jesus | | | | some each, and I have some. All daily chores are |
| rebuked her for. He did not tell her off for working | | | | divided between us. The children are responsible to |
| hard. He said "Martha, Martha, you are worried and | | | | keep their own room tidy, plus one area of the house. |
| concerned about so many things, but Mary has | | | | They swap "area" on a weekly basis. We also each |
| chosen the better part". Mary had chosen to sit at | | | | have a list of "Weekly Chores" - things that only need |
| Jesus' feet. My desire is, even when I am busy, to | | | | doing once a week. These can be done at any time |
| have an attitude of peace, of listening to Jesus, of | | | | during the week, but if they're not done by Saturday, |
| resting in Him. I choose to quit my fretting and anxiety | | | | we must do them then. Then again just before dinner |
| over many things, and instead to trust Him and be | | | | in the evening, we have another set of tidying chores |
| calm and peaceful. | | | | each. To begin this system I had to sit down and list |
| I know how hard it is to make time for a "quiet time" in | | | | every job that needed doing, then decide how often, |
| a busy household. Living in a two room shed, it is | | | | and who should do it. Every so often I try to look at |
| impossible for me to wake up earlier than my family. | | | | each job and ask myself if there is a more efficient |
| When one is up, everyone wakes up. So we are | | | | way to get this job done. I sometimes read books on |
| straight into breakfast and on with the day. However, I | | | | home management to help me to do things better |
| have found my space - after breakfast when the | | | | quicker, there are a lot of good ideas to be found in |
| children's chores are underway I go out to the goat | | | | books or on the Internet. |
| shed to milk the goats. This is when I come before the | | | | Outside commitments |
| Lord. I cannot read my Bible - I do that later, in the | | | | This section may sound like a contradiction, but really I |
| evening - but I can quote memorized verses. I can also | | | | just want you to think carefully about your motivation |
| sing, and pray. Can I encourage you, too, whatever | | | | for what you are involved in. |
| your circumstances, to make meeting with God your | | | | Firstly, if you have outside commitments, you must ask |
| first priority. Be creative - I don't think God expects an | | | | yourself if God wants you doing them at all. Sure, they |
| hour long Bible study every day - it is your relationship | | | | can be good things - volunteer work, church work, |
| with Him that matters. | | | | organizing homeschool group events - but be aware |
| Some possibilities: Take a walk - even with little ones in | | | | that the good can prevent us from the best. In other |
| tow you can commune with the Lord if you take your | | | | words we can get so busy with "good" things, that the |
| thoughts captive and use the moments when the | | | | best that God has planned for us is simply crowded |
| children are not talking to you! Sing and pray in the | | | | out. We don't have time to read books to our children, |
| shower. Have a family prayer time. Give your children | | | | or to look at a sunset, or listen to our husbands, or to |
| some quiet activities and let them know you are not | | | | help our neighbor. Sometimes God does call us to |
| available (unless in emergency) for a few minutes. | | | | have outside commitments - but you must be sure it is |
| Center your thoughts on the Lord, sing and pray while | | | | a "God calling". You must also be very careful to keep |
| you do housework. | | | | it in balance with your family commitments. |
| Husband's wishes | | | | God wants us to be involved in our families. He also |
| Eve was created to be a helper suitable for her | | | | wants us to be salt and light in the world. Sometimes |
| husband. (That is what "help meet" means). Likewise, | | | | our whole family can be involved in ministry together. I |
| we are told in Titus 2:4 to love our husbands, and in | | | | feel this is a better option than the mother having a |
| verse 5 to be obedient to our husbands. I want to | | | | "ministry" that takes her from her home. |
| make it a priority to try and do what my husband | | | | We are to be Christ's hands and feet. We are to take |
| wants me to. If he asks me to do something specific, I | | | | care of the poor, the widow and the orphan. We are |
| do it at the earliest opportunity. I do this because I want | | | | to be hospitable. We must be involved in the Lord's |
| to be helpful to him, I want to honor him, in doing so I | | | | work. But let us take our children along with us, they |
| also hon our and obey God. It is also a priority to keep | | | | are our apprentices - then we can accomplish two |
| my attitude towards my husband right. | | | | things at once - taking the gospel into the world on one |
| I want to be a blessing to my husband, and so his | | | | hand, and training our children to do likewise on the |
| needs are high on my priority list. Apart from promptly | | | | other. We must make room in our priority list for other |
| doing any specific things he asks me to, I also keep in | | | | people. |
| mind the way he likes things. If your husband likes a | | | | GETTING PRACTICAL |
| tidy house you need to make it a priority to tidy up | | | | OK. To make your own list of priorities you need to |
| before he comes home from work. If he likes dinner at | | | | ask yourself what is most important to you. What do |
| a certain time, make sure it is ready then, at least most | | | | you want to accomplish? Daily? Weekly? Yearly? In |
| of the time. Try to look ahead and see the things you | | | | your lifetime? Then you need a plan for how to go |
| know he would like you to do. Make time when he | | | | about it. Let's start with some questions. Please write |
| comes home to make him a hot drink and sit down to | | | | your answers and spend some time thinking and |
| listen to him talk about his day (save all your news that | | | | praying about your responses. |
| you're bursting to tell until after he has unwound). | | | | - What is of lasting value? |
| Remember, he has just been out working all day to | | | | - When I look back in 20 - 30 years time what would I |
| support you and the children. He needs to feel | | | | like to have done well at? |
| appreciated and he also needs his home to be a | | | | - When I look back at the end of my life what do I not |
| welcome haven from the world. Make it a priority to | | | | want my regrets to be? |
| have your husband look forward to getting home each | | | | - "I wish I had spent more time...." |
| evening. | | | | - "I wish I had...." |
| My attitude | | | | - " I wish I hadn't...." |
| It is my priority to have a good attitude! I need to | | | | - What things would you like to change about your |
| choose to smile at my children - to let them know | | | | life? (Must be possible - don't list any things you |
| many times a day how much they are unconditionally | | | | personally do not have the ability to change). |
| loved. I want my home to be a welcoming place to | | | | - What heritage do you want to pass on to your |
| everyone who visits it. My attitude will set the tone for | | | | children? |
| the home. If I am snappy, the children will be too. I need | | | | - What do you want to be remembered for? |
| to make sure I keep a cheerful attitude towards my | | | | Reading back over this article, list in order the most |
| work. It is my responsibility to manage my home - not | | | | important things, in your opinion. Feel free to add your |
| that I have to do all the work myself - I can delegate! | | | | own ideas to your list. |
| However, when I recognize the fact that the | | | | Make sub-headings under each item in your list. List in |
| responsibility is mine, I can then concentrate on getting | | | | order the most important things under each heading. |
| the job done, not waiting for someone else to do it. | | | | For example, "Educating children" may be fourth on |
| Children's needs | | | | your list. In this new list, write down in order what you |
| Let's break these down into three categories: | | | | want to teach your children. |
| 1 Emotional and Spiritual | | | | Now you have quite a list - your own list of priorities. In |
| My children's greatest need, as I have already | | | | future when you have decisions to make you can |
| mentioned, is to know they are loved. To bask in my | | | | refer back to your list. Use it to keep you on track. |
| approval, to be encouraged by my smile, to be inspired | | | | When an opportunity arises, for example, to be |
| to greatness, to learn there are consequences for their | | | | involved in a sports team, you can look on your list and |
| actions (both good and bad), are the things my children | | | | see where on your priority list this would fall. You can |
| need from me each day. | | | | also look at what priorities come before this one, and |
| Most importantly, they need a growing relationship with | | | | consider whether the time involved in the sports team |
| God - this should be a high priority for us - to see that | | | | would crowd out some of your more important |
| they are getting spiritually fed each day. We need to | | | | priorities, or whether this is something you feel would |
| reflect Christ in our own lives, for our children will learn | | | | help you to reach your goals. |
| from our example more than by our carefully thought | | | | By referring often to this list you will be able to see |
| out curriculum. | | | | whether you are, in fact, reaching your targets, or |
| First-time obedience should be a priority in your home. | | | | whether you are not accomplishing what you would |
| When disobedience is allowed to creep in the parent | | | | like to. When this happens, you can re-consider your |
| becomes frustrated, and eventually angry at the child. | | | | activities to see what needs to be given up, so that |
| Disobedience should be dealt with calmly and firmly | | | | the things you consider more important will be attained. |
| when it first manifests itself. When it is nipped in the | | | | A daily/weekly plan or schedule can be helpful to get |
| bud consistently the child learns to be obedient the first | | | | done what you want to do. This way you can be sure |
| time he is asked. Consistency is essential to good | | | | that your most important priorities are covered every |
| parenting and is a wonderful exercise in self-discipline | | | | day. Always remember, however, that your schedule |
| for the parent! Often it is easier to just raise your voice | | | | is a tool, and not your taskmaster. Be flexible enough |
| and repeat yourself, but in the long run this produces | | | | to not fret when your day doesn't go according to |
| children who wait until your voice has reached that | | | | plan. |
| certain pitch, or you have repeated it enough times | | | | May God bless you as you seek His plans for your life. |
| that he knows you're going to blow up if you have to | | | | Need more help with setting priorities or becoming |
| say it again, before he obeys. He becomes conditioned | | | | organized? Visit my webpage "Priorities", under |
| to your responses. Therefore the best response is to | | | | "Homemaking" in the navigation bar. |
| expect him to obey the first command. When children | | | | |