| Separation Anxiety is very common and almost all | | | | child is in care. The parents will probably be more |
| children will experience some degree of it some time in | | | | relaxed, and are easily available to collect the child |
| their life. If you are reading this article then it's highly | | | | after a few hours. |
| possible that separation anxiety is not just a passing | | | | 4. Spend Time Allowing The Child To Know And Feel |
| few tears, but you are seeking to find a solution to | | | | Secure With The Carer In The Presence Of The |
| ongoing distress, either in your child or as a carer of a | | | | Parent / Primary Caregiver |
| child. | | | | Plan ahead and visit the child carer, or spend 1-2 hours |
| It is important to realize that just as each child's | | | | at formal child care with the child. The primary |
| experience of separation anxiety from their primary | | | | carergiver should remain with the child for the duration, |
| caregiver is different, so might the strategies we use | | | | allowing the child to explore and get to know the |
| to support them differ. The following ideas are | | | | person and surroundings. |
| suggestions I have found helpful over many years in | | | | 5. Leave Something Special With The Child That |
| child care and as a parent. Adapt them to each child's | | | | Belongs To The Parent / Primary Caregiver |
| situation or use them to spark your thinking of other | | | | It is important to emphasize that this should not be |
| strategies. | | | | something of monetary or sentimental value that. if |
| 1. Always Have The Child And Parent Say Goodbye | | | | broken or lost, is irreplaceable. Allow the child to have a |
| It is amazing how many parents prefer to make an | | | | photo of Dad / Mum, Mum's scarf, Dad's t-shirt, or |
| unseen "get away" while their child is momentarily | | | | anything of significance that ties the parent to the child |
| occupied. I have found that while the parent may feel | | | | and can bring them comfort. |
| better for not witnessing their child cry, this actually | | | | 6. Allow The Child To Have A Familiar Object Or Toy |
| adds to the child's anxiety in future separations as they | | | | Of Their Own |
| are unsure when mum or dad might disappear while | | | | A teddy, blanket, doll or other security toy that can |
| they are not looking. It fuels the anticipation of their | | | | bring comfort. Again, this should not be of great |
| caregiver leaving and children of speaking age have | | | | monetary or sentimental value. |
| actually said to me "Where did mummy go? Will she | | | | 7. Help The Child To Understand That Mum / Dad Will |
| come back?". | | | | Return. |
| It's important for parents to take the time to say | | | | This may be simple, but often overlooked. It may |
| goodbye to their child, tell them how much they love | | | | simply be a reminder that "Daddy / Mummy will be |
| them, tell them where they are going and how long | | | | back soon". I remember in one of my first child care |
| they will be. Even if this makes the child upset initially, it | | | | positions many of the children spoke a language other |
| adds to TRUST. This action may need to be repeated | | | | than English, and the first phrase I learnt in that |
| as a ritual for many days / weeks, but the overall time | | | | language was "Mum's coming back soon". I still |
| that separation anxiety exists in the child will lessen | | | | remember the phrase some 10 years later! Older |
| quickly in most children. The more the parent is | | | | children can benefit from visual timetables which depict, |
| trustworthy, usually the faster the child feels secure | | | | in photo or picture form, what happens in the day and |
| that the parent will return when they say. | | | | when in the day Mum / Dad come back. Even older |
| 2. Prepare The Child For Separation | | | | children can begin to use clocks and more formal time |
| This does not mean morbidly repeating that the child | | | | measures. |
| and parent will be separated. However, referring | | | | 8. Have A Special Ritual Which The Parent And Child |
| periodically to the time of separation prepares the child | | | | Do Together When They Are Reunited |
| and allows some time for adjustment. For example, | | | | In formal child care, this may be an activity the child |
| Lucy (2 ½ yrs) was going to stay for a | | | | and parent do together at the centre, or it may be |
| weekend with her grandparents while her mum and | | | | special time they have at home such as reading time |
| dad had their first weekend away. In the week leading | | | | or a trip to the park. This helps the child to look |
| up, her mum referred 3-4 times to the weekend | | | | forward to the days of separation because at the end |
| saying "you're going to have 2 night time sleeps at | | | | is a special treat. |
| Nan's. Won't that be fun! You can take your pyjamas | | | | 9. Encourage The Carer To Be A Familiar Part Of |
| and pillow" Creating excitement about the event helps | | | | The Family |
| fearful anticipation to become excited anticipation. | | | | Where appropriate, a photo of the carer or care |
| If children regularly attend child care and are | | | | environment in the home (eg on the fridge) allows the |
| experiencing ongoing separation anxiety, you could | | | | child to see the person in a familiar place. Older children |
| have a weekly routine chart using photos that show | | | | may talk about the carer, helping to build trust and |
| the child which days they attend child care. On waking, | | | | familiarity. |
| for example, the parent can show the child Monday's | | | | 10. Help The Parent / Primary Carer Through the |
| photo is day care, but the next day is a photo of a | | | | Separation Process |
| day at home with Dad. The alternative is to suddenly | | | | The more the parent feels comfortable in the |
| surprise them in the car on the way to the care | | | | separation process, the more they can help the child. |
| environment, but my experience is that in the long term | | | | Often separation anxiety is a heartbreaking emotion to |
| the anxiety continues for longer. Children need | | | | watch, but may be momentary. The number of times I |
| predictability and routine to develop trust, which again | | | | have witnessed children happily playing before the |
| supports them to feel secure and less anxious. | | | | parent has reached their car is astounding. However, |
| 3. Leave The Child For Short Periods and Gradually | | | | the last image the parent has is their child in distress. |
| Lengthen The Time | | | | Where possible and appropriate, use a video camera |
| Children usually need to know and trust people in order | | | | to capture the child happily engaged in play. It is not |
| to feel secure in their care. Try leaving them for an | | | | always enough to say to the parent "they are fine |
| hour or two and gradually lengthen the time as the | | | | when you leave". Some parents need proof. If video is |
| child feels more secure. This includes formal child care. | | | | not available, try using a still camera. The more relaxed |
| Parents should try to work in partnership with centre | | | | the parent is, the more the child senses this and their |
| and with their own work commitments. This may even | | | | anxiety diminishes. |
| mean taking the day off work for the first day the | | | | |