| After suffering another incredibly stressful morning | | | | this, they take him out of recess. They'll take him out |
| trying to get my 5 ½ year old son dressed, I've | | | | for 5-10 minutes or even the whole time! When I |
| come to the conclusion that there must be other | | | | learned this, I freaked out! Jeremy NEEDS activity in |
| families who go through the same frustration every | | | | order for his brain to FUNCTION correctly. By taking |
| morning. Most just wouldn't believe that we have it | | | | him out of free time outside, they're just hurting the |
| different than anyone else who has young kids. When | | | | situation. I caused a stink about that at the school and I |
| I'm talking to someone about Jeremy, my stress | | | | think they've made some adjustments. The school |
| shows but the explanation is too long so I don't usually | | | | counselor is now involved and helping to guide the |
| elaborate. Their usual answer is "sounds like a typical 5 | | | | teachers in working with Jeremy. It's truly been a |
| year old". I guess I've grown used to that. What is | | | | collaborative effort. |
| harder is to hear from other people who are trying to | | | | Jeremy has also been slow to finish his work. We had |
| be helpful that we have a "discipline problem." They | | | | him professionally evaluated and it was also |
| offer their typical advice of how to reign a child in and | | | | discovered that he has auditory processing disorder. |
| get them to behave. | | | | This doesn't allow him to process more than one thing |
| The fact of the matter is, is that he is NOT a typical 5 | | | | at a time. He can hear well, but he can't focus on more |
| year old! Oh, Jeremy loves to play instead of work, | | | | than one thing at a time. It doesn't allow him to hear |
| throw rocks and finds an empty box utterly fascinating, | | | | people calling his name if he is immersed in another |
| but the day to day events of our lives, the usually | | | | activity. Next summer, he'll be doing a 10 day intensive |
| mundane things, are stressful and incredibly different. | | | | program for auditory processing which includes 2 |
| This morning was supposed to be a lot of fun. We all | | | | hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon. He'll |
| woke up early to take a trip to Miami to see my | | | | be listening to headphones which somehow reprogram |
| husband's family. It's a 3 day weekend so we wanted | | | | his brain to hear more than one thing at a time. I am |
| to get an early start on Saturday morning so we could | | | | really looking forward to this time to see if we can |
| enjoy the afternoon in Miami. My husband got up and | | | | correct some of the behavior that he has. |
| made coffee, I wrapped about 6 gifts that we're | | | | We've found a few things that can work for Jeremy |
| bringing and Jeremy started pulling out clothes and | | | | in regards to his behavior at school. First of all, Jeremy |
| toys he wanted to bring. | | | | is OFF of all sugar. He used to have waffles with |
| I encouraged him to bring the clothes and toys into his | | | | syrup every morning and all of the sugar gave him too |
| room but instead more and more toys got dragged | | | | much energy and he was bouncing off the walls! We |
| into our living room. When it was time to sit down and | | | | finally realized that sugar has adverse effects so he |
| eat his breakfast, his favorite of 'waffles and cream', | | | | now gets little if any sugar in the morning. We even |
| the battle started. Normally, a good tactic is to put a | | | | prefer milk over orange juice since fruit has sugar in it. |
| clock in front of him so he can see how much time he | | | | Next, Jeremy has to take time to exercise in the |
| has. Today we didn't do that because we were not | | | | morning. We put a mini trampoline in our living room and |
| thinking about the exact moment we had to leave like | | | | he bounces a few hundred times in the morning |
| we do every day for school. That was a BAD | | | | before school. If we have time, my husband will take |
| CHOICE on my part. I should have showed him the | | | | him out to ride his bike before school or run around the |
| exact time he needed to have eaten and gotten | | | | field and play Frisbee. On mornings that he doesn't get |
| dressed by. Then we should have marched out the | | | | to exercise, he seems to be more talkative and figity |
| door. Unfortunately, we had to pack our suitcases and | | | | at school. |
| pack the car. | | | | I've had to explained to Jeremy that sugar is "poison" |
| When Jeremy got to the table ate a few strawberries | | | | to his brain. It makes him react in such a negative way |
| and milk and got up. My insistence of him sitting and | | | | where he throws fits and disobeys. I seem to |
| eating finally got ugly after about 15 minutes. While I | | | | automatically know when he's had sugar! When he |
| was running around trying to get everyone ready to | | | | acts like this and I know he's not overtired, I |
| go out of town; I continued to put him back in his seat | | | | automatically ask if he's had sugar!? Usually, the |
| and demand that he eat. I sat with him for about 5 | | | | answer is yes and so then I require him to start |
| minutes and he didn't eat. I told him he could get a star | | | | bouncing on the trampoline to get the energy out. |
| for his chart if he ate, and got dressed. He started | | | | Jeremy might also have ADHD, which is a possibility |
| whining and crying so I took a star away from his | | | | since he was a preemie and upwards of 40% of |
| chart that we've created. On one trip to the bedroom | | | | preemies have ADHD. I went to one doctor and within |
| he started playing with a tractor. When I found him | | | | about 1 minute he was telling me that Jeremy had |
| again ( I was now taking a shower) he wanted to bring | | | | ADHD and would require medicine! That appalled my |
| the tractor to the table. I told him NO and to get back | | | | husband and I was quite put off myself. Even if |
| to eat. He was screaming and crying because now he | | | | Jeremy does have ADHD, we're not going to put him |
| wanted the tractor and then he said that "you are the | | | | on medication without trying to find every other way to |
| only mommy in the world who is mean to me every | | | | manage it first. Besides occupational therapy, we've |
| day". That is when I told him that if he said that one | | | | heard of other therapies that families have used and |
| more time he would get his mouth washed out with | | | | have had great success. Besides monitoring diet, |
| soap. (This works wonders for those awful things that | | | | they've used biofeedback and also some sort of |
| kids tend to say sometimes but If I could live without | | | | testing of the electrodes in the body to eliminate toxins. |
| ever doing anything drastic like this, I would!!!) | | | | I may have those details wrong, but we haven't gone |
| That stopped the complaining about how "mean" I am | | | | down that road yet. Right now, Jeremy is in Tae |
| but the whining continued. I had to finish feeding him | | | | Kwan Do 2 times a week. There, they teach self |
| myself in between his tears. He finally finished eating | | | | discipline, self esteem, leadership and focus. These are |
| after about 45 minutes. I had turned off the TV by this | | | | all qualities that I want for Jeremy. |
| time of course. I've learned that having the TV on or | | | | If anyone could have told us where we'd end up even |
| light music can easily overwhelm Jeremy. | | | | 6 months after we started down this path, I wouldn't |
| Next, getting him dressed was no easy feat. The first | | | | have been able to handle it all at once. When we first |
| shirt I put on didn't feel comfortable. This was a brand | | | | discovered it, people came out of the woodwork to tell |
| new pre washed long sleeve t-shirt from Osh Kosh. It's | | | | us their discoveries and what they went through. A |
| darling, but unfortunately, new clothes rarely stay on | | | | friend from high school confided in me about her family |
| my son. He prefers old and soft. Many of his very | | | | situation and how they dealt with it. It was hard on her |
| favorite clothes and shoes have spots and tears, but | | | | husband to imagine that their kid, coming from two |
| they are the only ones that I can get him to stay in. | | | | "over achiever " parents, would have developmental |
| This morning was no different. I put on Gap underwear, | | | | problems. I could relate to that of course, but when she |
| Osh Kosh Jeans and the Osh Kosh t-shirt. After he | | | | started telling me that her child couldn't stand loud |
| was completely dressed, he started screaming and | | | | noises and would cover his ears and cry and scream, I |
| wailing about the shirt being too small and the pants | | | | couldn't relate to THAT. She also told me that it'd be |
| being too big. So, off the clothes came! And it wasn't | | | | best for Jeremy to repeat kindergarten and at the |
| just a calm, "mommy I'm taking off these clothes", it | | | | time, it was a thought that I couldn't bear. We've since |
| was a screaming crying whining fit accompanied by | | | | determined that Jeremy will repeat kindergarten next |
| throwing his clothes across the room which landed on | | | | year. Coming to that conclusion took a lot of time and |
| my husband's face as he was walking across the | | | | was a result of visiting numerous pre schools, talking |
| room. At least today he didn't RUN when it was time | | | | with our own principal, vice principal, other parents, his |
| to get him dressed. That is the typical scenario. He | | | | teacher and the counselor. It was our principal who |
| races across the room when it's time to take off his | | | | encouraged us not to do anything rash. I trusted her |
| pajamas or time to get changed any time. I can't figure | | | | and I kept him in school and made the decision early |
| out why! I don't know if that is his body having an | | | | on to repeat next year. |
| automatic reaction to change, or if it's a behavior issue. | | | | Other parents of kids of SID children had other stories. |
| But it's something that we want to work on in | | | | One parent's child had low motor skills and didn't want |
| occupational therapy. | | | | to swing or play with other kids. That was completely |
| Because I already know the drill, that nothing I can say | | | | OPPOSITE of Jeremy. I did meet one mom at a |
| or do will make him keep clothes on when he doesn't | | | | workshop for parents with kids of SID who is very |
| want to wear something, I went to the drawer and | | | | similar to Jeremy. He's a "crasher" and needs just as |
| brought out the old favorites. The yellow long sleeve | | | | much physical stimulation as Jeremy. We laugh over |
| t-shirt with the #63 and the army looking pants that | | | | the fact that we TELL our kids to jump on the couch... |
| are soft and comfy. If you see Jeremy out of his | | | | instead of getting off of them. So, little by little, with |
| school uniform, this is more than likely the outfit he'll be | | | | more reading and more talking, I found we all had one |
| in. | | | | thing in common: MAJOR FRUSTRATION! |
| I think of all of the hundreds of dollars that I've wasted | | | | My friend from high school also had some of the |
| by buying clothes that don't quite feel right. I think of the | | | | same issues I was facing at home. My husband, who |
| dozens of pairs of shoes that he has kicked and | | | | is a complete overachiever, couldn't deal with the fact |
| screamed about. I have thrown out piles of socks that | | | | that it was recommended that Jeremy go on |
| just didn't have the seam in the right place. Getting | | | | medication. He absolutely REFUSED to even consider |
| Jeremy dressed to go anywhere, is a struggle nearly | | | | the possibility and so this would create lots of tension. |
| every single day. | | | | My resolve was to find a solution, whatever that was. I |
| Recently, the school had a second hand sale on | | | | was dealing with the teachers and with Jeremy every |
| uniforms. I felt like I struck gold by finding the oldest | | | | day, not just in the morning or at bed time. When I took |
| shirts in the school. To me, that means, the SOFTEST | | | | Jeremy to school, the stress stopped for my husband, |
| and that is perfect for my kid! He is 5 years old, and | | | | but not for me or his teachers. After speaking with |
| he wants to wear size 12 shirts. They are big and don't | | | | numerous wives, I've discovered that the husbands |
| cling to him. Also, discovering the GAP undershirts has | | | | don't believe it, or WANT to believe it. It appears that |
| been a miracle in our lives. My friend Diane has a red | | | | because men feel that they must be strong in every |
| head boy (I believe red heads are more sensitive) and | | | | situation and must handle many obstacles in life, and |
| they recommended the GAP undershirts. | | | | that having a son that is facing problems is just too |
| I remember trying to get Jeremy dressed at age 2 | | | | much to bear. Most of the dads of the boys with SID |
| was no different than now. He went to the Montessori | | | | are in denial at first. The wives tend to have to deal |
| school and because it was pre-school, they weren't | | | | with finding out what the issues are all by themselves |
| particular on the time we arrived. Many, many | | | | by researching, talking and finding solutions. Many of |
| mornings Jeremy would fight and scream when I had | | | | the husbands fight the wives to the end until the wife |
| to get him dressed. He would have been perfectly | | | | finally convinces her mate to "just speak with an |
| happy staying at home watching TV all day. He would | | | | expert". In one case I know, the father uses the |
| be completely happy just doing that every day of his | | | | excuse, "he's just like I was" so he assumes it is okay. |
| life. But, fortunately for him, he has two incredibly active | | | | Meanwhile, everyone including his wife is going crazy |
| parents who rarely ever sit around and watch TV. | | | | having to deal with his child. My friend is of the mindset |
| We have our traditional "Friday night movie night" but | | | | that if there IS help available, then she's going to get it! |
| we don't watch TV much during the week. | | | | In reality, many of these men are right, because the kid |
| Jeremy does get to go to After Care at school if he's | | | | IS just like them... and if there would have been help for |
| had good behavior the day before. There, they run | | | | their own mothers way back when, then the moms |
| around the fields, play ball, climb on the jungle gym, | | | | more than likely would have taken it instead of |
| have snacks and play with their friends. He loves it! I | | | | suffering through it and of course it would have made |
| find that it's the best place for him since he races the | | | | everything easier on the child. They could have learned |
| kids and exerts more energy there than anywhere | | | | tactics that would have helped them manage their |
| else. The hardest part is when it's time to go. What | | | | actions, their bodies and their behavior. |
| else? He runs away! My mom has found it completely | | | | My husband finally came around when he was able to |
| embarrassing because he doesn't pay attention when | | | | speak with the Occupational Therapist where we got |
| it's time to come. He just continues playing and then | | | | Jeremy evaluated. They promised to do whatever |
| runs to the other side of the field where he can't even | | | | possible to work with Jeremy to correct many of |
| hear us yell for him. | | | | these issues. The whole topic of using medication to |
| By reading books like "The Out of Sync Child" and | | | | help Jeremy hasn't come around for a while, but I |
| talking with other mom's I've found a few things that | | | | know that my husband will be open to it if we have to |
| work in this situation. First of all, when you get there, | | | | do it. He's had to deal with Jeremy while I've been out |
| allow the child 5 minutes or 10 minutes to play. Tell him | | | | of town and it nearly put him over the edge. |
| her that he has 5 minutes and then it's time to go. For | | | | We're really just starting on this journey to getting the |
| Jeremy, he then gets time to transition to the next | | | | help we need. I've discovered many successes |
| activity. And the expectation is set. Our new rule is | | | | through trial and error. I've found that having a chart |
| that he is able to achieve a star for his chart at this | | | | that rewards Jeremy for his chores and responsibilities |
| point. If he comes immediately after the 5 minutes is | | | | for the day motivates him better than punishment. Tae |
| up, he can get a star for that which when added up | | | | Kwan Do has been fantastic to improve his self |
| every day can determine whether or not he gets to | | | | esteem. Talking with the teacher on an almost daily |
| go to after care the next day. He needs to get 5 stars | | | | basis alerting her with new research I've found or |
| a day - for getting out of bed quickly, for eating and | | | | discoveries that have happened has really helped. Daily |
| taking his plate to the sink, for making his bed, for | | | | massages on his feet, legs, back and hands are |
| getting dressed (almost) by himself, brushing his teeth | | | | helping the stimulation of his skin so he doesn't freak |
| and hair, etc. He has the chance to earn 3 stars in the | | | | out quite as bad when putting on socks and shoes. |
| morning. Several of the above list is combined into one | | | | Teaching him to breathe himself through frustrations is |
| section for instance: putting dishes in sink and making | | | | an ongoing process and educating him about what to |
| bed = one star. | | | | feed his body to it works correctly has helped me just |
| The chart system is working for us pretty well. He | | | | as much! |
| gets stars taken away for negative attitudes or | | | | Had I known what it would take to parent a child with |
| whining. One day he ripped all of the bad and the good | | | | Sensory Integration Disorder, then I would have said |
| extra stars down. He didn't realize he also ripped the | | | | that I didn't have what it took. And I probably would |
| good ones down. Jeremy can earn EXTRA stars for | | | | have been right. My stress level has been through the |
| having excellent behavior like the day he had such a | | | | roof ever since I had Jeremy but in reality finding out |
| great attitude one morning. I was so pleased and so | | | | that he had something that was actually diagnosed |
| proud of him that he got to go to After Care that day | | | | gave me the power back! I knew that if I educated |
| even though he didn't have enough stars the day | | | | myself, our situation would improve and indeed it has. |
| before. The extra stars can accumulate to 20 and | | | | I'm now able to understand that I need to implement |
| then he gets to go to Toys R Us to buy a toy. So far, | | | | complete structure in order for him to function at his |
| he has only a couple of extra stars for good behavior.. | | | | best. That structure does include plenty of free or |
| and believe me.. I'm looking! | | | | down time, but when it's time to do something or go |
| It's hard for Jeremy's self esteem to have these | | | | some where, I put on my "drill sergeant" hat to get him |
| problems. He's gotten in trouble nearly every single day | | | | to perform. It goes against my nature to be that firm, |
| at school. He's come home many times saying, "I'm a | | | | but I've learned that in order for our family to function, |
| bad kid, I'm a bad kid", which really rips out my heart! | | | | then I have to do what I have to do. |
| The system of putting their "apple or acorn" in the | | | | Please feel free to share your stories with me or to |
| yellow, or red basket brings a reputation of "bad | | | | reach out for support. Perhaps if several of us can |
| behavior". Jeremy has also had his apple on the | | | | reach out to others to help, then others will be able to |
| teachers' desk many times. If he gets bad behavior like | | | | educate their spouses, their teachers and their friends. |