| Bringing out children's better behaviour is easy if you | | | | to the mealtable. Kids learn from our actions as much |
| have easy children. It can be more testing if you have | | | | as from our words. |
| challenging kids or when you are raising active toddlers | | | | 4. Set consequences like a good cop: Behavioural |
| and feisty teenagers with plenty of 'tude (attitude). | | | | consequences are all the rage in schools, pre schools |
| My work over two decades shows that those | | | | and child care centres. I love them as a way of shifting |
| parents who are most successful at bringing out their | | | | responsibility onto kids to behave well. Consequences |
| children's best behaviour use a variety of strategies, | | | | have their own set of rules if they are to be effective. |
| rather than one or two. | | | | But the key to their success is to set them like a good |
| They also get help when they need it, whether sharing | | | | cop, as a opposed to a rude cop, so the kids are mad |
| the parenting with a partner or calling on broader family | | | | at themselves rather than at you. |
| or friends for support. Sometimes taking a break is the | | | | 5.Use the language of cooperation to get .... |
| best strategy to use rather than get a locked into | | | | err....cooperation. Some parents use the wrong |
| power struggle with strong-willed kids. | | | | language to get what they want. They you use the |
| Some strategies are more successful than others | | | | language of coercion ("Do this now!") to get |
| however here are seven simple but significant | | | | cooperation, however all they get is confrontation and |
| strategies and ideas to help you bring out your child's | | | | conflict. For some hard-to-shift kids you need to use |
| best behaviour: | | | | the right language to win their cooperation. They are |
| 1. Avoid your impulsive reaction when kids are less | | | | puppy dogs really if you use the right words. The |
| than perfect. Generally, the first parental reaction to | | | | language of cooperation is about choices, not backing |
| children's uncooperative or poor behaviour can actually | | | | kids into a corner and focusing on yourself rather than |
| encourage more of the same. Sounds bizarre, but | | | | the child. |
| children often keep repeating the behaviours that work | | | | 6. Use behavioural rehearsal with kids: If you want kids |
| in achieving a result. Whinging, for example, is a brilliant | | | | to behave in certain ways then it is useful to get kids |
| way for a child to get his or her own way. Like ancient | | | | to practise in fun, low or no stress ways. For instance, |
| 'water torture' it effectively makes us lose our cool | | | | if you want to bring out your children's best behaviour |
| and give in for some peace and quiet. | | | | when eating out then set up the meal-table at home |
| 2. Teach kids manners. Old fashioned good manners | | | | like a restaurant and have some fun serving them the |
| such as making eye contact, addressing people by | | | | meals and using their 'best going out' manners. |
| name and using please and thank you's are basic | | | | 7. Put yourself in timeout - tactical withdrawal: Most |
| social skills that many of our current generation don't | | | | parents have heard of timeout for kids but timeout for |
| possess. Manners is respect in action and very | | | | parents is effective too. If that sounds bizarre then |
| empowering so don't leave it up to schools and pre | | | | consider a child with 'last wordedness' or a child who |
| schools to teach. Insist on it yourself. | | | | keeps nagging or arguing with you to get his or her |
| 3. Cure parent deafness by acting rather than talking. | | | | own way. You need to tactically withdraw from these |
| Often when kids ignore our requests for cooperation | | | | kids to save your sanity or stop yourself from giving in. |
| we simply repeat ourselves or raise the volume of our | | | | If you can't move away from your child then disappear |
| voice. Forget it. Cure parent-deafness by acting rather | | | | psychologically - that is, imagine your child is not there |
| than talking. For instance, put the meal on the table and | | | | and refuse to respond while your child behaves poorly. |
| let it get cold rather than repeatedly tell kids to come | | | | |